My Story

My interest in Psychology, health and wellness began in my early teens when I discovered a passion for sport and fitness.  However, before I was twenty I suffered ACL injuries to both of my knees and had to give up playing the sports I loved. The injuries were devastating, not only physically but also psychologically - sport had provided me with more than a physical outlet, it gave me a ‘sport family’ who provided a sense of acceptance and recognition, it provided a distraction from unprocessed grief and a way to escape life.

When I was just six years old, 34 years ago, my mum died from cancer. The life that I had known up to that point ceased to exist. In 1987 childhood grief was not understood or managed particularly well. It tended to be ignored and not spoken about as if by not talking about the loss a child would simply forget about it. Difficult experiences were considered to build resilience and children tend to be very good at appearing like they are ‘okay’, so this approach of ignoring it probably appeared to work. But, in reality trauma festers and creates a stress response which impacts on the developing brain. If it is not managed appropriately this can lead to life long difficulties which can manifest in the form of mental health problems and abnormal stress responses. I can now accept that the loss of my mum, and the disruption to my life which followed, was traumatic. There is no blame here, just an acknowledgement. I was not okay.

When I started to get involved in sport I found something that I was not only really good at, but also gave me a way to suppress my grief and gain a sense of belonging and purpose. Channelling my energy into sports prevented me from focusing on the pain I was carrying inside. Team sports in particular helped me feel a part of something - I didn’t feel invisible.

My injuries not only stripped away my physical ability to do the sport I loved, they took away the psychological support that sport provided.

I have always turned to food for comfort (another way of coping with pain) but when I was young I got away with it because of the exercise I did. However, after my injuries I started becoming depressed and eating more. I gained weight and the lack of control and internal conflict I was in led to the development of an eating disorder. But, it wasn't something that was really talked about or understood at the time so I hid it and tried to just live my life as best as I could.

I moved away from physical distractions and decided to focus on developing my understanding of Psychology which I went on to study at University. I continued to struggle with my mental health but managed to achieve a 2:1 degree and eventually pursued a career in teaching.

Over the next 17 years I enjoyed a successful career, got married, bought a house and had two beautiful children. However, the ugly head of depression and disordered eating would regularly make themselves known - never more so than following the loss of a pregnancy and the subsequent births of my two children. 

Combine a vulnerability to depression with grief, sleep deprivation, a full time job and two small children and you are left with someone who gets completely lost. By the time I was nearly 38 I didn’t know or recognise who I was. I hated what I saw in the mirror but felt powerless to change things. I developed bad habits which became a part of daily life - ‘quick fix dopamine hits’ to provide a temporary relief from the pain I was in. I completely neglected my needs and took no joy in looking after myself. I began taking the pain and frustration out on those nearest and dearest to me only to feel a deep sense of shame, guilt and regret. The trauma, grief and loss that had festered away for so long began to fully emerge but I didn't know how to handle it.

My interest for Psychology, health and wellness was reignited during the first Covid lockdown which is when I finally started focusing on myself and began facing the issues which had existed in the background for so long. So began my personal journey of healing and recovery. 

The road has not been smooth and I have experienced ‘relapses’ multiple times over the last two years. Stress was a significant mediating factor in the challenges I faced - trying to balance teaching with being a mother (and all it involves) was overwhelming. Although I loved being in the classroom, teaching was only getting tougher - longer hours, high pressure, Covid, poor pay and with no real end in sight. I reasoned that my health was more important than tolerating the chronic stress the job was putting me under and the subsequent effect this was having on me and my family. It just wasn’t sustainable. So I decided to look into other careers and discovered Coaching - I retrained as a Health and Life Coach in 2021 and I quit teaching in the summer of 2022.

I would never have considered leaving my job had I not experienced coaching myself. Being coached helped me to create a road map and develop the confidence to take the leap. Coaching also helped me to shift my mindset and understand some of the psychological barriers which were holding me hostage and subsequently keeping me stuck and frustrated. It also helped me to realise that I needed to engage with a therapist to work through the trauma I was carrying around.

Despite the insecurity that comes with running your own business I am finally in a place where I can meet not only the needs of my children but can also look after my health and pursue a career in something that I feel deeply passionate about. 

Life is incredibly short and fragile - I learnt this early on - I want to be around for as long as possible and spend my time as mindfully as possible, ideally in good health and with the people I love. I realise now that to get to where you want to go you have to prioritise, understand what is truly important for your health and happiness and then take measured steps towards your goals. Your ideal life will not simply be plated up and handed to you. You need to work at it and craft it, carefully and deliberately. The effort you put in and the bumps in the journey will teach you things you didn’t know about yourself and you will discover what you are truly capable of. Those lessons and experiences will support you throughout your life and provide hope and reassurance when you feel like throwing in the towel.

My journey to this point has not been linear. At times I have wanted to give up, but each experience, challenge and adversity has contributed to my understanding of what it takes to overcome barriers and keep moving forward. I have a deep appreciation of the mindset traps and cognitive biases which can hold us back and how to negotiate these to ensure we continue putting one step in front of the other towards our goals and ambitions.

I now want to channel my learning into helping others break free from the lives and habits which no longer serve them. To provide the guidance, encouragement and tools which will empower them to bravely more forward towards the life they truly want.

(If you are suffering from an eating disorder, depression or anxiety then I would advise that you contact your GP for help. Whilst coaches can support people in making positive changes in their lives they are not, generally, trained in the delivery of mental health therapies).

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