Wear The Damn Swimsuit (Again)
Nearly a year ago, I wrote a newsletter to my subscribers about the struggle I faced putting on a swimsuit to go swimming with my children. I was at one of my heaviest points since having my daughter nine years earlier and feeling particularly low. But I did it and my kids and I had a brilliant day and created lots of lasting memories. They didn’t care what I looked like - they just wanted me there.
I titled that newsletter “Just wear the damn swimsuit.” I know it inspired some people to take action in their own lives, so I wanted to write about it again, because maybe something I say here will inspire you too.
A Different Space, Same Message
I was reminded of that time one year ago whilst holiday with my family just the other week. I’m now in a very different place with my body. I still have body confidence issues - maybe I always will - but I’m far less critical and far more compassionate with myself.
I’m also starting to care a lot less about what I think other people might think of me.
So, for the first time in over 20 years, I wore a bikini. And not just any bikini - a teeny tiny, bright turquoise, string bikini - unfortunately not the one pictured here! It was comfortable, my stomach saw the sun for the first time in over 20 years and guess what? The world didn’t explode. No one stared at me in disgust. In fact, quite the opposite.
No One's Really Watching
As I looked around the pool, I saw people of all shapes and sizes in all kinds of swimwear, some more revealing than others. No one looked uncomfortable or out of place. Maybe some felt insecure, but I didn’t notice as I was too busy having fun with my kids and I would put money on the probability that they were too busy having fun with their families to notice me.
Maybe it’s getting older, or maybe it’s the realisation that people are mostly caught up in their own lives. Most people really don’t care what you're doing or what you look like and even if they do care, by tomorrow you will be forgotten. So why let the fear of their judgment hold you back?
The Loud Few and the Quiet Many
Yes, there will always be people who judge, criticise, and try to shame others. Some are just mean. Some are insecure. Some hide behind “just being honest” as an excuse for tearing others down.
But these people are the minority.
It’s easy to forget that in a world now governed by social media, where negative voices shout the loudest. But for every troll, there are thousands of people who will scroll by silently, not because they don’t care - but because they’re too busy living their own full, happy lives.
They:
Don’t waste their time bringing others down.
Believe in live and let live.
Know everyone is different, and that’s a good thing.
Are secure enough in themselves that they don’t need to criticise others.
Might not even be on social media at all.
These people might not comment, but they exist. In fact, they’re the majority. You just don’t hear them as much.
Step Into the Arena
When you hold yourself back because of fear of judgment, you're limiting your life. You’re giving away your power, your joy, your freedom.
Sure, things won’t always go to plan - but at least you’re living. Growth never happens in your comfort zone.
There are three types of people who sit on the sidelines, firmly within their comfort zones:
The Silent - They are quietly observing from afar. They watch and rarely comment. They may have opnions but they stay silent, seeing the benefit in keeping their cards close to their heart. They are happy to watch and may be simply treading water, gathering information and waiting for the right time to step into the arena themselves.
The Supporters – They’re content where they are and cheer on those brave enough to step into the arena. They’ll pick you up when you fall, remind you who you are, and celebrate your wins. These are your people. Find them. Keep them close.
The Critics & Trolls – They want to be in the arena, but fear holds them back. Watching others take bold steps makes them feel small and insecure. So they lash out, disguise their shame as judgement, and try to bring others down. These people shout damn loud and due to the way our brain seeks out potential threats we often hear them over the supporters, even when they are in the minority.
And when you do hear these people, remember what Brené Brown said:
“If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” and move on.
The Confidence Myth
When I wore that teeny tiny turquoise bikini, it wasn’t just about sunbathing. I was teaching my brain something new: It’s okay to step outside your comfort zone and you will survive, thereby making it more likely that I will repeat that action again in the future and perhaps even take greater action.
Confidence doesn’t usually comes before action - it comes after. I didn’t feel confident when I put that bikini on. But I sure as hell did afterwards.
So if you’re putting something off - wearing the swimsuit, applying for the job, asking someone out, starting that thing you’ve been dreaming about - just do it. Find your cheerleaders (mine was my 10-year-old daughter), and go for it - get dirty, take up space, make waves.
It might not go perfectly, but at least you’ll be living while you're trying. That’s where growth and happiness truly lie - in the unknown, the messy and the challenges.
And If You’re Not Ready to Step In?
That’s okay too.
Sometimes we’re content where we are, and that’s a beautiful place to be and sometimes it’s just not the right time for us to step into the arena and that’s okay as well.
But when you see someone else out there getting messy and brave, give them a cheer. Shout your support. Your voice might be the one that drowns out the critics. And maybe, just maybe, your encouragement is exactly what the critics need to get brave and step in too.
Are you ready to step into the arena—but don’t know where to start?
Let’s talk. Book a complimentary 30-minute session where we’ll explore what’s holding you back, what is calling you, and how you can move forward with clarity and confidence.